Cas's Logical Suggestion
by CastielLovesDean
Summary: Dean is really upset that Castiel is still a virgin.  Castiel has a logical, innocent suggestion.  Destiel.  Sam/Gabriel.  Complete!  Rated M for the 3rd ending!  Happy Reading!  Warning: May be offensive to religious people. AT during S6
1. Chapter 1

**Cas's Logical Suggestion**

_By CastielLovesDean_

_Disclaimer: Here's a shocker. Get ready. Are you sitting down? I don't own Supernatural._

_**Warning: Some parts of this fanfiction may be offensive to religious people, particularly Christians.**_

* * *

"If this bothers you so much, why don't _you_ take it?"

The room fell silent. Dean's face flushed an ugly red, and Sam and Bobby appeared to be suspended in time, twin looks of shock and amusement on their faces. Naturally, this was all Dean's fault. More than a year after the Apocalypse ended, he had to revisit the subject that bothered the hunter more than the afflicted Angel. He had just finished his pro-casual-sex rant and swore to Cas, "By the end of this month, someone will have your virginity!"

And Cas had responded with a perfectly logical, albeit naïve suggestion.

Of all the people in the world, why _shouldn't_ Dean be the one to deflower him? Every single major change in his life had been because of Dean. How'd he end up storming Hell? To save Dean Winchester. Why did he need to take a vessel for the first time in his several-millenia-long life? Dean Winchester had him summoned. Why did he disobey and subsequently fall? Dean Winchester asked him to. Dean's the one who thinks Cas's vice-like grip on his virginity is a big deal, so why shouldn't he be the one to fix it?

"What's wrong?" Cas insisted. Sam and Bobby remained frozen, and Dean couldn't look at him. "Was it something I said?"

Finally, something changed. Sam and Bobby doubled over with laughter, and Dean left the house in a hurry. The rumble of the Impala's engine could be heard over Sam and Bobby as Dean drove off who-knows-where. Something else changed. Cas realized that, as far along as he'd come in the last three years, he'd never fully understand humans.

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_A/N: I consider myself a logical, reasonable slash fan. I don't expect Cas and Dean to actually fall in love and have angel-hybrid kids thanks to angelic mpreg. Or even to make out frequently. But I don't think something like this is too much to ask for. Please? Kripke? Gamble?_

_Reviews are my only sustenance. If you don't feed me, I'll die. Please feed me O.O_


	2. Chapter 2

**Cas's Logical Suggestion, Chapter 2**

_By CastielLovesDean_

_**Warning: part of this chapter may be offensive to religious people, particularly Christians.**_

* * *

Sometime past midnight, Dean walked up to Bobby's front door. He had been attempting to clear his head at a local sports bar during a football game when one thing led to another and... well, it doesn't matter is it's God or fate or bad luck, but he always manages to get covered in blood, dirt, and other miscellaneous filth. Dean wiped his hands on his jeans and opened the door, hoping (not praying – never praying) that everyone would be asleep and Cas would be elsewhere. Of course, Dean's luck isn't that good.

Sam, Bobby, and Castiel were hanging out in the living room having what must have been quite the conversation when Dean entered the house. He truly believed he'd be able to skulk upstairs without anyone noticing his presence, but he was wrong. Before he even shut the door, the conversation stopped, and Sam could be heard asking, "What's the matter, Cas?"

"Dean's back," he stated.

Dean groaned to himself in exasperation, but shut the door and trudged forward, determined to get upstairs and shower without incident. Once again, he was wrong.

"Dean?" Sam exclaimed, sounding concerned at Dean's appearance.

"What the Hell happened to _you_?" Bobby demanded.

"Oh, you know," Dean responded casually, "sports bar, hot waitresses, dead football fans pissed that the Cowboys won; the usual."

"Of course," Sam mocked.

"Just another Sunday," Bobby chimed in.

"I'm gonna go upstairs and wash the ectoplasm out of my hair."

"Ya know," Bobby offered, "shampoo doesn't work on ectoplasm; get some Dawn from under the kitchen sink. Cuts right through that shit."

"Thanks," Dean said, dreading the detour to the kitchen, but opting to take the risk anyway.

Halfway through the living room, Cas stepped in front of him. "You never answered my question."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Dean lied, attempting to sidestep the Angel.

"You insist on someone taking my virginity, yet you refuse to claim it for yourself. I don't understand. Of all the one-night-stands with drunken barmaids and disease-ridden whores you've had in your life, why am_ I_ not good enough for you?"

"What?" Dean looked into Castiel's round, teary eyes, feeling less embarrassed and more guilty. He hadn't meant to make Cas doubt himself. "That's not-"

"Is my vessel unattractive?"

"No..."

"Have you recently become impotent?"

"No!" His face flushed at the snickers he could hear from Sam and Bobby.

"Then, what is it?"

"Well... _you_ know..." Dean hinted.

Cas blinked in confusion, pouting patiently.

"I'm a man... you're a man..." _Sort of_...

Cas continued to stare at him as if that wasn't explanation enough.

"I'm not gay!" he declared, louder than he'd intended.

"I'm perfectly well aware of what you are and are not," Cas insisted.

"Then why are you confused?" Dean asked, irritated. Anyone who knows him knows he only does chicks, and Cas knows him as well as anyone. Possibly better.

"Sexuality is fluid, Dean. What confuses me is why you humans insist on breaking it down into two categories and forcing people to choose. It's not what my Father intended, and it's not _natural_," he finished in a huff.

"That's not what the Bible says."

"I _told_ you before: your Bible gets many things wrong. And I happen to know from a reliable source that Leviticus was even worse than Luke."

"So, what, did God tell you that I'm gay?"

"I tried to explain to you before: there is no gay and straight. I believe your people use the metaphor, 'shades of gay.'"

"It's 'shades of _gray_,'" Dean corrected with a roll of his eyes, "and it doesn't matter, because there's an exception to every rule, and I'm the exception to this rule. I'm _straight_."

"Sam and Bobby are both straighter."

"What?"

"You overcompensate because of your insecurities regarding your sexuality."

Dean's jaw dropped. He couldn't believe Cas had just said that – and in front of Sam and Bobby, no less. "I am _not_ having this conversation!" He stomped past the Angel, pretending that it didn't hurt when his shoulder smashed into Cas's. As quickly as he could, he grabbed the bottle of Dawn from Bobby's sink and took the back way to the stairs rather than risk running into Castiel again. Even though he ran up the stairs with his head ducked in mild embarrassment, he could tell that Sam and Bobby were even more amused now than they had been earlier when this whole mess had started.

His day had gone from bad to awful to terrible, and it was definitely all Cas's fault.

_

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A/N: LOL, shades of gay. I really believe that, actually. I think it's silly to label ourselves and illogical to restrict our options by eliminating an entire gender from our personal mating pools. But maybe that's just me.

_Little does Dean know that he'll be "taking the back way" later this morning, lol._

_Reviews are love! (And inspiration; the more I get, the more I want to write, and the quicker I pump out chapters.)_

_Also, anyone who's seen or used to watch Captain Planet as a kid should read my story, Four Rings of the Apocalypse._


	3. Chapter 3

**Cas's Logical Suggestion, Chapter 3**

_By CastielLovesDean_

* * *

Dean was standing under the showerhead, being pummeled by the scalding water and enjoying his first chance in a long time to not think of Castiel. Where he could not-envision Castiel's stoic face or his ridiculously large, blue, alien eyes... where he could not-fantasize about Cas's suit and tie and bulky trenchcoat and not-imagine the body that hid teasingly under all those layers. All this not-thinking had an uncomfortable, familiar effect in his _downstairs_ area, and he had to turn the faucet all the way to cold. There was a slight noise and a sudden breeze, and he turned to see an unwelcome face.

"Don'tcha think you're overreacting _just a little_?"

Dean angrily grabbed the curtain and covered himself. "You're supposed to be dead!" he hissed, heart pounding.

"It's nice to see you, too, snookums," Gabriel pouted. "After all I've done for you, you could be a little nicer, ya know."

Dean rolled his eyes and shut the curtain, determined to finish his shower without letting the irritating Archangel get to him.

When Dean didn't respond immediately, Gabriel continued, "Come on, admit it: sometimes you think I'm all right." For good measure, he slid the curtain open again.

Dean grabbed the curtain again. "Don't quote _Star Wars_ at me!" he spat before retreating fully into the tub. "You're not Han Solo, and I'm not Princess Leia!"

"Hey, Your Worship, I'm only trying to help!" Gabriel decided to leave the curtain closed this time.

"No you're not, now knock it off!"

Gabriel cackled, gleeful at having gotten under Dean's skin. He figured he'd let the hunter shower in relative peace, and spent the next several minutes conjuring candy bars and making them disappear... _in his mouth_. Finally, when he knew that Dean was done washing, he blurted out, "You were mean to my baby brother. I demand reparations."

Dean sighed from the other side of the curtain. "Look, I was not _mean_ to Cas; I just... needed to think. Hey, what do you care anyway? Last time you saw him, you trapped him in some awful alternate reality."

Gabriel giggled and steepled his fingers evilly. "Ah, yes... the alligator pit... good times! But that's different. He's my brother; I can be as mean to him as I want." Gabriel ripped open the curtain once more, but this time he held onto it, letting frigid water pool on the faded tile. "_You_ don't have that right."

Dean reached for the curtain but couldn't get it from the Trickster. He shivered and fumed under the icy deluge for a moment, then asked flatly, "Do you mind?"

Gabriel didn't give up the curtain. "Why? You've got nothing to be ashamed of," he assured Dean, leering at his wet, muscular, toned, flawless, scarred, tattooed (okaaaaaaaaaaay, we're getting off-topic here) naked body. He lowered his voice conspiratorially and asked, "I mean, that _is_ cold water, right?"

Dean didn't suppress his exasperated sigh as he stepped out of the shower and started to towel himself off shamelessly in front of the Archangel. "What do you want from me?"

"Like I said: reparations."

"I haven't done anything! If Cas really needs this explained to him, I'm happy to do it." Dean trudged onward despite Gabriel's juvenile snickering at the phrase, 'Do it.' "But he needs to stop ambushing me in front of Sam and Bobby with naïve questions!"

"He's not naïve," Gabriel argued.

"He doesn't even understand that I'm straight!"

"He's a ten-_thousand_-year-old _Angel of the Lord_, ya moron! This may be his first trip down here, but Heaven's not that interesting, and for a long time, there wasn't much more to do than watch Humans like a TV show. Only up there, there's no _parental control_."

Dean pondered that while slipping on his lucky boxer-briefs.

Gabriel continued, "Castiel only seems socially retarded because he's been out of the loop for a couple centuries. But if there's only one thing I can ever say that you'll believe, make it this: Castiel's mind encompasses many, many human experiences including, but not limited to, a sexual encyclopedia that would put the Kama Sutra to shame. He's got more tricks up his plain, tan sleeves than you could hope to ever need in a lifetime. And he's just _itching_ to try 'em out."

"Then why hasn't he?" Dean asked, buttoning his jeans.

Gabriel squinted at him. "Really?"

"What?" he snapped, slipping a Metallica shirt over his head.

"I mean, I know you're a special kind of moron, but do I really have to spell it out for you?"

"Please do."

"Y-O-U. You. He loves you. He _worships you_. I mean, it's _you_," Gabriel held his hand up high, "then _Dad_," he lowered his hand a notch, "then_ everyone else_," he finished with his hand low. "And I know it seems old-fashioned, but Castiel is just the kind of guy that wants his romps in the sack to mean something – especially if it's his first romp."

Dean frowned, deep in thought.

"Are those the rusty gears of your brain I hear grinding in there?" Gabriel mocked, thunking Dean's head for emphasis.

"Are you saying," Dean clarified slowly, "that Cas wants to sleep with me?"

"Ding-ding-ding-ding! And we have a winner!" Gabriel wasted no time in adding, "But that's not all he wants. No, no... Castiel wants it _all_... the three-bedroom house with a white picket fence in a small suburban cul-de-sac, two kids and a dog playing in the yard... you know: the American Dream."

"Okay, even if that's true," which Dean doubted, "Cas is an Angel. He's busy. I barely see him as it is. How could something like that work?"

"Come on, Dean. After last year's Apocalypse fiasco, Cas has a lot of divine pull. He could get the time off – 60 Human years is like 2 Angel months. All he has to do is ask. And they'd even let him keep his mojo."

"Dean?" they heard Sam call from outside the bathroom. Gabriel disappeared just in time to avoid being caught as Sam swung the door open without knocking. "I thought I heard voices..."

"You should really get that checked out," Dean teased as he slid past his brother.

"Jerk," Sam complained.

"Bitch," Dean called over his shoulder on his way down the stairs. He hooked a left at the bottom, Sam hot on his heels, and strode purposefully into the living room where Cas was regaling Bobby with historical anecdotes or divine tales in his usual flattened monotone. Cas and Bobby paused their conversation to curiously observe Dean, who stopped right in front of the black-haired Angel, breaking his own personal space rule. "Cas?"

Cas stood from his spot on the couch. "Dean."

For a split second, Dean could feel Sam and Bobby's judgmental stares like burns on his body and the accompanying self-consciousness that threatened to consume his soul. Ever the hero, he pushed through the crippling anxiety, cupped Castiel's face, and kissed him hard on the lips. Dean didn't give Cas the chance to protest as his wandering hands pushed the Angel's trenchcoat and jacket off his shoulders and shoved the smaller man onto the couch. In his defense, Cas needed only to snap his fingers and he'd be on the other side of the planet or some otherworldly plane of existence, should he not want to be with Dean.

It was immediately clear to Sam and Bobby what was about to transpire right there on the couch. "Sam, d'ya wanna -"

"Love to," Sam interrupted, not caring what they did as long as they didn't have to bear witness to... this.

Dean and Cas didn't hear the slam of the front door or the angry rumble of Dean's beloved Impala as Sam and Bobby sped away from the salvage yard.

_

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To be or not to be... continued? I dunno, I'm not the best at graphic shit, so I might just leave it here. What do you think I should do?

Reviews, please ^_^


	4. Chapter 4

**Cas's Logical Suggestion, Chapter 4**

_By CastielLovesDean_

* * *

Dean was the only person that didn't realize he was in love with Castiel, and Cas with him. It was a topic that came up frequently when Dean left Sam, Bobby, and Castiel to entertain themselves and one of the reasons why Dean's first kiss with Castiel wasn't that shocking to any of them. No, Castiel wasn't shocked... but he was a little worried. He'd felt his brother's divine presence and known what he was up to, so when Dean came downstairs and approached him, he'd searched Dean's mind and soul to make sure that Dean wanted this.

And want it he did.

In fact, the intensity of Dean's desire was what shocked him where its mere existence did not. Wanting to respect the human's privacy, he'd never probed his mind before, but if he had seen this earlier, he wouldn't have waited for Dean to make the first move. Not that he was disappointed or regretful, mind you. Panting heavily two hours later, sandwiched naked between Dean and the couch, it would have been difficult for him to feel anything other than sleepiness (which was odd, considering how strong his Grace was these days) and extreme satisfaction. He'd heard humans use Heaven as a metaphor for things that are beautiful or cosmically fantastic, but he knew from personal experience that Heaven didn't deserve to be compared to what Dean had just done to him.

Three times.

He looked down at Dean's head resting on his chest, lips red and swollen, face flushed, eyes glazed over... if he had longer hair, it would probably have been a mess. Castiel hoped he looked like that himself.

In the periphery of his vision, Castiel saw something move. Ever vigilant (and a little paranoid, thanks to the trouble that followed the Winchesters like shadows), he turned his head to see what doomed creature of the night had the misfortune to intrude upon what was surely going to be his most cherished memory. He was both annoyed and relieved to see that it was just his brother, sitting in Bobby's easy chair, silently munching an extra-large bucket of caramel corn. It bothered him that he hadn't felt his presence.

Gabriel applauded loudly, startling Dean out of his reverie and spilling the contents of his bucket. "That was quite the performance!"

Dean twisted furiously in his position atop Castiel, "Do personal boundaries mean nothing to you?" he demanded.

"Personal whats?"

"Get out!"

Gabriel flinched visibly, even though everyone there knew Dean couldn't harm him if he tried. Antagonistic as always, Gabriel dared, "_Make_ me." He locked eyes with the obstinate Hunter in an impromptu staring contest, hoping to goad him into an actual physical challenge.

Castiel watched the exchange with a mixture of amusement (Dean's so cute when he's cocky) and concern despite his confidence that Gabriel would never (again) try to harm Dean. Finally, he stepped in. "Gabriel, would you give us some privacy, please?"

"Well, thank _you_, Castiel, for treating me with a little respect. I _will_ give you two kiddies some time alone. Toodles!" Gabriel disappeared unceremoniously.

Finally alone (hopefully) again, Castiel rubbed Dean's back soothingly. "It appears that you require another shower," Cas suggested. "Sam and Bobby will return shortly, and it seems pertinent that I clean up our mess before their arrival lest Bobby forbids us from copulating in his home in the future."

Dean grimaced, but got up. "Cas, do me a favor, will ya? Don't say 'copulate.'"

"As you wish." After Dean was upstairs and he could hear the shower running, Castiel stood. In the blink of an eye, he was clean and dressed, and the entire room was devoid of any evidence of his copulation – that is, _fornication_ with the hunter. "I was unaware that you could shield your Grace from me."

Gabriel reappeared. "Oh, it's not so difficult when you're being... _distracted,_" the Archangel hinted while waggling his eyebrows.

Castiel frowned and made a note never to fornicate while hunting or being hunted. Perhaps Bobby or Sam would be willing to stand guard?

"So... tell me," Gabriel singsonged like a schoolboy, "how'dja like it?"

Castiel couldn't help but beam, the muscles of his face aching under the unfamiliar strain of pure joy. "It was... unlike anything I've ever experienced."

"Awwwww," Gabriel gushed, glomping the younger Angel, "my little bro's all grown up!" He put Cas in a headlock and gave him a noogie. After a few seconds, he let him go. "You know, kiddo, I'm impressed that your plan worked. I didn't think y'had it in ya!"

"You're the one who hexed his towel. I merely suggested it."

"Please! You masterminded the seduction of a very sexy, _very_ stubborn human being and the simultaneous loss of your own man-cherry! I bow to the master." He did, in fact, bow deeply to Castiel.

Castiel blushed, pleased that his first foray into trickery went so well. "You're still much better than I," he insisted modestly.

Gabriel pursed his lips. "True." He wasn't so modest. "But before I forget, _here_." He held out his hand.

Cas took the proffered disc with joy.

"May you enjoy it for years to come," Gabriel wished upon Castiel.

"I expect to. Few people in the world get to have their first kiss _and_ coitus occur within minutes of each other _and_ be with someone they truly love_,_ but I may have been the first to catch all of it _on tape_." He gazed longingly at the small disc. "Ah, the wonders of modern technology. Humans are truly precious creatures." He slipped the disc into his pocket.

The front door opened as Sam and Bobby walked in. "They certainly are," Gabriel heartily agreed.

"Hey," Sam greeted them. He looked around vigilantly. "Where's Dean?"

"Upstairs."

Sam smiled, then pulled Gabriel into an embrace and kissed him. "Thanks," he said, breaking the kiss after a moment.

"Mmm, you're welcome. What for?"

"For helping my brother. He can be dense at times."

"Really."

"Every now and then."

"So, what do I get for being so _helpful_?"

"We'll see..." Sam answered cryptically, kissing Gabriel even deeper than last time.

Bobby blushed slightly even though he was more or less used to this by now. "Well, that's my cue to leave. I'm gonna go get some shuteye. See y'all in the mornin'."

Sam and Gabriel couldn't be bothered to stop making out, barely managing to hum their goodnights to Bobby into each other's mouth. Cas didn't reply at all, and spent a couple minutes just watching the two lovers kiss. Castiel isn't a perv – not really. On paper, he might seem like one, with all the fornication he's witnessed in his long life, but it was never about sex. It's about true love. There was something special about the physical expression of undying love between soulmates that moved Castiel on an emotional and spiritual level unrivaled by anything he could conceive of. Unfortunately, that peace was soon shattered by a poorly-timed outcry from the stairs.

"What the _fuck_ are you doing to my brother?" Dean demanded irately.

Cas, Sam, and Gabriel were all startled. Cas was displeased that Dean had snuck up on them so easily and realized that _watching_ fornication while hunting or being hunted was out of the question, as well.

"Now, Dean," Gabriel said defensively, maneuvering himself behind the taller Winchester for protection (even though Dean was no threat to him whatsoever), "this isn't what it looks like..."

"Really?" Dean asked acerbically. "'Cause it _looks_ like you had your forked tongue down Sam's throat."

"...But it's pretty close."

"Dean..." Sam started cautiously.

"Stay outta this, Sam! I can handle this."

"Careful there!" Gabriel cautioned, his arms encircling Sam. "You wouldn't wanna hurt Sammy."

"He can take it!"

"Oh, believe me, _I know_," Gabriel responded, voice thick with innuendo as he ghosted his fingers over Sam's torso and caused the Sasquatch to blush.

Dean saw red and took a wrathful step forward.

"Dean?"

The hunter rounded on Castiel. "_What?_"

"You're being an idiot."

Dean blinked, torn between indignation and confusion. "Excuse me?"

"He may be chronically incapable of sincerity, but Gabriel loves your brother and is very good to him."

"He's a murderer! He kills people for fun!"

"Hey! Everyone I smote got what they deserved!"

"Does anyone care what _I_ think?"

"No!"

"People change," Cas offered calmly.

"He's not _people_," Dean raged. "He's -" Dean stopped himself from completing what doubtlessly would have been a really stupid sentence.

"An Angel?" Cas asked, heartbreakingly doe-eyed.

Dean at least had the good sense to look contrite.

"In the years that you've known me, have _I_ not changed? For the better, I hope?"

"Yeah," Dean sighed, perfectly capable of telling when he'd lost an argument, "of course," It wasn't that he believed the Archangel was suddenly a good person, devoted to rescuing puppies and curing cancer. (Which he actually might be able to do, Dean realized.) But he did recall his attempt at stopping Lucifer, even though he knew for a fact he would be giving his life in vain. And Dean tended to agree that most of his 'victims' got their just desserts. And Gabriel was still leagues better than that Demon bitch who shall not be named, so at least Sammy's taste in lovers was visibly improving. So, While Dean still didn't believe that Gabriel was good enough for his brother, he was willing to believe that one day he could be, and Sammy deserved that opportunity. "You're right. I'll give him a chance." He didn't think it necessary to defend himself by pointing out that _protective of Sam_ was his baseline. Of course, agreeing to give Gabriel a shot with his brother didn't stop him from threatening, "But just so we're clear, if you hurt my brother, I will end you." It wasn't an idle threat. "Got it?"

"Yeah, yeah," Gabriel brushed him off. "I'm not worried. It's been going pretty well these past few months, so -"

"What?" Dean interrupted. _Did he say months?_ "What do you mean, _months_?"

At 3:27 in the morning, it was shaping up to be a long night.

_

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A/N: I've been dying to finish this chapter, and I did so while battling a cold. I feel like shit. Did you know that fic reviews have just been proven to cure all minor illnesses? It's true. (Prove otherwise, if you don't believe me ^_^)

_Furthermore, those of you who've read my Bloody Valentine story probably aren't surprised by the addition of Gabriel. Those of you who haven't... *cries* why noooooooot?_


	5. Chapter 5

**Cas's Logical Suggestion, Chapter 5**

_By CastielLovesDean_

_A/N: I should have made this clearer, but this takes place in November, 2011. I've corrected this in Chapters 1 and 2._

* * *

The first time Sam spent time at Bobby's with Gabriel in tow – early in that year that Dean thought he was dead – Bobby cleaned out one of his two spare "bedrooms" so the lovers could have a little privacy. With all the hunters that he allowed to use his place as a safe-house, it was long overdue for a proper guest room, anyway.

When Sam and Dean arrived Thursday, Bobby helped Sam cover with Dean and set Dean up in the panic room, even though Dean (adorably, though he'd punch you in the face if you said it) didn't want to be separated from Sam. Nevertheless, it happened, and early Monday morning, Dean was pacing in the iron prison and ranting at Castiel about some shocking news he'd gotten regarding his baby brother and... _Gabriel_. The name made his stomach churn.

"I don't get it! Why _him_? The asshat spent, like, _four months_ torturing Sammy at the mystery spot, and then let him live without me for _another_ four months! And the next time he saw us, he locked us in TV land and tortured us _and you_ for days! And what does he do about it when he gets the chance? He _bends over_!" He made an obscene gesture.

Cas said nothing on the matter, choosing to silently allow his mortal lover to vent his frustration at the situation.

Dean made a decidedly uncivilized noise that was somewhere between a scream and a growl and continued bitching. "And then he kept it from me! What the Hell!"

"He thought you would react badly, though I can't imagine why."

Despite the fact that Dean was proud of Cas for getting a better grip on sarcasm, he spun on his heel and pointed accusingly at the Angel. "Did you know about this?"

Cas avoided his glare. "I may have... been aware of their relationship."

"And you didn't tell me?"

Cas finally looked Dean in the eye, and it pained him to see betrayal where he had been expecting anger. "I'm sorry," he genuinely apologized. "Sam wasn't ready to tell you, and since I've been making sure that Gabriel was treating him properly, I didn't see the need to disregard his wishes."

Dean scoffed in irritation and paced around the room a couple more times. He mellowed a bit, then stopped in front of Cas again, who was gazing at him expectantly. He sighed and asked, "He treats him okay?"

Cas nodded. "I meant it when I said he loves him. He dotes on him. Leaves him gifts. Makes him laugh. When Sam is having a nightmare, he changes it to something better. When Sam can't watch over you, he volunteers. He's the most experienced lover on the planet..."

"Nnnh!" Dean whined in a full-body cringe. "I don't need to know that!"

"He wouldn't let any harm come to him." Cas put a comforting hand on Dean's shoulder. "I understand you two have a rocky history, but Gabriel might be the best thing for Sam. And for you."

"Me?"

"I see you worry about Sam. You might watch a movie or drink a beer, but you never completely relax for fear of something happening to him – not since you were a small child. And you do a great job protecting him, but Gabriel's better equipped for that. He can teleport, read minds, manipulate time... He can heal the gravest of injuries and revive people who've been dead for years. It's almost impossible to harm, capture, or kill him, so as long as Gabriel likes your brother, nothing can happen to him. Perhaps once you've come to trust him in this regard, you'll finally be able to rest."

Dean thought Cas had a good point, and _God_, did that piss him off. Stupid smart Angel and his stupid logic. Why'd he have to be so calm and reasonable?

ACDCACDCACDC

Later (yet still very early) that morning, after his traditional 3 hours of restless sleep, Dean found himself skulking about Bobby's house, contemplating his conversation with Castiel. He was on instant alert when he heard movement in the kitchen, and even though he knew it was probably nothing, he stealthily appraised the situation.

Not surprisingly, it was just Sam, standing near the fridge with the Hershey's Syrup bottle in his massive hand. Dean strode confidently up to him and snatched the syrup away from the taller man. "Gigantor," he teased. But then Dean didn't know what to do with the chocolate he'd just pilfered, so he settled for making a glass of chocolate milk, a treat he hadn't had in years.

"Hey," Sam responded, yawning as he stretched his long arms nearly to the ceiling. As he did this, his shirt rode up to reveal part of his torso, and Dean spied an ominous dark smudge marring the tan flesh.

"Sam!" Dean cried out, concerned.

"Huh?"

"Is that blood? Are you _bleeding_?"

"What?" Sam looked down, beginning to panic. "Where?"

Dean lifted Sam's shirt to reveal the smudge and get a closer look at it. "What the hell is this?"

"Oh! That... that's nothing." Sam licked his thumb and tried to wipe away the offending substance. "It's just... chocolate syrup..."

"Chocolate? Why would you have choc-" Dean recoiled at the kinky images that suddenly invaded his mind. "_Dude!_" he complained. "Not cool!" He lost his taste for chocolate milk. Permanently.

"Come on, man! It's not a big deal."

"'_Not a big deal_?' I used that! I _ate_ that!"

"It's not like we put it back in the bottle when we were done."

"That's not the point! What else shouldn't I eat?"

Sam sighed and looked a little embarrassed. "You should probably avoid the whipped cream." His blush deepened as he added, "And the honey." He ducked his head to admit, "And the ice cream."

"The _ice cream_? Which one?"

Sam shrugged bashfully. "All of them?"

"God damn it! You know what? Stop using everyone else's toppings and get yourself a damn mini-fridge!"

"What a great idea! I knew there was a reason I liked you."

Dean's skin crawled in irritation. "Gabriel," Dean greeted with excessively fake cheerfulness. "What'cha doin' here, run out of self-righteous dicks to smite? I hear there's still some politicians left in DC."

"Dean!" Sam scolded.

"Now, Sammy, it's okay. He just needs some time to get used to me... you know how slow he is."

Dean glared at Gabriel.

"Ooh, chocolate!" the Archangel exclaimed when he spied the bottle on the counter. He grabbed it and took a swig. "You know how much I love chocolate."

"_Gabe_!"

Dean's cheek twitched in annoyance. "Other people use that, you know."

"I know! It's hilarious!"

"Guys! Guys! Guys!"

Dean and Gabriel shut up, but continued making juvenile faces at each other.

"Look," Sam pleaded with the two most stubborn jackasses on the planet, "I know you'll both understand where I'm coming from when I say that I just want my two most important loved ones not to be at each other's throats all the time! Could you please just make an effort to be civil? For me?"

Damn Sammy and his ridiculous puppy eyes!

_

* * *

_

A/N: Something has come to my attention. This was originally supposed to be a one-shot, but as you can see, it's gotten a bit out of hand. There's no overall plot or master plan. As Cas said in Lucifer Rising_, I'm making this up as I go. People's reviews give me ideas all the time, even if I don't take their suggestions._

_For example, **xelloss100** and **MapleLinah** wanted me to write Cas's reaction to Gabriel's presence in the bathroom. Their (perfectly reasonable) assumptions that Cas didn't know about it made me write him as the mastermind. Also, no one insisted that I write the scene where Cas loses his virginity, so I didn't bother. Partly because I'm lazy and partly because then I'd have to change the rating to M and I might get fewer hits. If people start demanding it, after the story is over, maybe I'll add the **graphic** **scene** as a last bonus chapter. Possibly. I'm undecided._

_Now, I've recently gotten 2 requests for **Bobby/Crowley**, and I'd like to know who wants it and who doesn't. (PM me if you don't want shippers to know you said no.) I personally don't like it because he's a Demon and I don't trust him as far as I can throw him. I don't think he'll fit the Human/Angel theme I have going here. (Though he'd rightfully point out that Angels, possibly more than Demons, orchestrated the Apocalypse, so the difference between the two is moot.) But if everyone wants it, I'll get over myself and just write it, damn it._

_So please review with any thoughts about what your favorite lines were and what you'd like to see happen in future chapters. Reviews inspire me to write, and I'll try to keep y'all guessing but happy._

_Everyone go to **YouTube** and search for "Some Hearts – A Destiel Music Video" - it's a fantastic Dean/Cas vid IMO._

_Sorry for the lengthy AN. And the fact that the apology made it worse. As did that. I'll stop... now._


	6. Chapter 6

**Cas's Logical Suggestion, Chapter 6**

_By CastielLovesDean_

_Warning for this chapter: very slight (hopefully humorous) allusion to bestiality._

* * *

Dean and Gabriel begrudgingly agreed to try to be civil, and Sam even made them shake on it. It was going really well until Gabe's old Trickster instincts won out, and Dean yelped in shock at the second biggest jolt of his life. He kept a safe distance from the cackling Archangel as he coddled his electrified, twitching hand.

"Gabe!" Sam scolded his lover angrily. "What the fuck?"

"Oh, come on, Sammy! He's fine!"

"Yeah, I know: he's tough. That's not the point!"

"Then why are your panties in a bunch?"

"Because of you! Look, Dean doesn't like you because you have a history of torturing us and killing people, and he's just being a good big brother trying to look out for me. I get it. But you? You're a jackass who's mean to him for shits and giggles, despite the fact that just a minute ago he was willing to put aside all the shit you've done so I could have some peace. Here's a newsflash for you: you're the one who has to prove yourself."

"_Prove myself_?" Gabriel demanded. "After all I've done in the last year and a half? The hunts I helped you with, the vampire coven I saved you from..." He lowered his voice and leaned in closer. "That thing I did last week with the pineapple and the squid?"

Sam blushed at the funny look Dean gave him.

"After all that, I still have to prove myself to you?"

"No," Sam answered calmly. "You have to prove yourself to Dean."

"What?" Gabriel protested.

Dean looked immediately intrigued.

"I mean it," Sam insisted, standing his ground. "Until Dean says so, I'm not going to sleep with you."

Gabriel's jaw dropped. Apparently, he never thought Sammy would go there. He focused his glare on Dean and his smug smirk, wondering if Sam would notice if Dean were to suddenly become a platypus. "You can't be serious." Gabriel grumbled.

"Well, I am," Sam declared, crossing his arms and putting his massive foot down.

Gabriel scowled some more, then disappeared in a rage.

"This should be fun," Dean said. "But do you really think it'll work?"

"Absolutely; he really likes sex."

"Dude..." Dean whined, lifting his hand defensively as if it would physically block the images bombarding his brain.

"Dean, I need you to take this seriously."

"I will."

"I'm trying to get him to stop antagonizing you. Don't use this opportunity to make him your personal slave."

There went his plans for the week. "I wouldn't!"

"And don't keep this up longer than necessary; I really like sex, too."

"Yeah, about that: how'd it happen?"

Sam smiled. "Well, Dean, when a man and an Angel fall in love and want to express that love..."

"Dude! Not what I meant! How'd you... I dunno... start dating?"

Sam nodded sagely. He opened his mouth to answer, but was cut off by the obnoxiously enthusiastic tones of gospel music wafting from Dean's pocket.

Dean looked just as confused as Sam felt, muttering, "What the Hell?" as he fished his phone out of his pocket and looked at the caller ID. It said, 'Castiel,' and showed a badly-photoshopped picture he'd never seen before of Cas's head on a naked torso with angel wings. Before he could bitch further, his phone was snatched out of his hand.

"Hey, Castiel!" Gabriel answered his phone cheerily. "Just a sec, okay?" While Sam and Dean were staring at him in irritation and confusion, he rapidly pressed a long series of buttons on Dean's phone, explaining, "I messed with it before I knew I was supposed to _play nice_." He put the phone firmly back in Dean's hand, tousled Dean's hair mock-affectionately, then disappeared again.

This time, when the phone rang, there was no picture, and it played Zep's _Ramble On_. Dean shook his head and answered it. "Hey, Cas, what's up? … Kinda; I'm talking to Sam, but I guess it can wait. Why? … It's not even dawn yet; where'd you get a movie? … A home video? Neither of us has home videos - I didn't have a normal childhood and you didn't have one at all. … What? When'd you have time to make one? … Last night? But we spent last night – oh! … Cas, you're supposed to ask permission before taping things like that. How'd you even have time to set that up? … You _what? … _And _he_ was in on it? Cas! ... I can't believe you'd let him do that to me! … Well, that's better, I guess, but not by much! … Yeah, a little! Most people would be upset if someone made a sex tape of them without their permission and _got their brother to help_! … Yeah, I'll be right down." He ended the call with a huff and looked at Sam, planning to bid him good-night... or good-morning, whatever.

"Look," Sam admitted in a panic before Dean could leave, "I didn't come up with it; I only said that he should tell _you_ instead of _us_!"

Dean blinked before asking, "What?"

"Uh..." Sam stalled, realizing that he'd made a mistake. He may have been Dean's brother, but Gabriel was Cas's brother – that's who he was talking about. "Nothing. Never mind."

Dean grabbed Sam's giant arm so that he couldn't make a quick getaway. "What didn't you come up with?"

Sam sighed in defeat. "The thing... about his... _you know_... virginity?"

"Excuse me?"

"You know, he's mentioned it several times to me, Bobby, and Gabe: the time you told him you wouldn't let him die a virgin? And he'd keep asking _us_ why you couldn't just handle it yourself, and we all played dumb and acted like it was a good question and we didn't know the answer and that he should ask you next time you brought it up, but I didn't think you'd take him up on it right away, I swear!"

Dean took a moment to let the entirety of Sam's ramble sink in, then asked, "You didn't?"

Sam shook his head. "Nah, I had next March in the pool." He gasped then and covered his mouth, eyed widened in shock.

"The pool?" Dean asked with the composure of a confident predator who's cornered dinner with little effort.

"You know what?" Sam asked. "I think that since I lost $100, and it turned out pretty good for you anyway, we can just let this slide for now."

Dean squinted at Sam. "I will for now," Dean finally agreed, "but only because I have a video to watch, and I'm sure that will be loads more interesting than yelling at you."

Sam sighed in relief.

"But don't get too excited," Dean warned on his way out of the kitchen. "When I'm done with that, you're still gonna have to explain how you found yourself shacking up with yet another monster." He'd probably always think of Gabriel as a murderous Trickster instead of an Angel.

Sam felt strangely bored and slightly depressed when Dean left the kitchen.

"Welcome to the doghouse!" Gabriel exclaimed, popping back in. "Scooby snack?" He held out something for Sam.

It was a Scooby Doo fruit snack. Sam took it.

"Wanna do it doggie-style?"

It was gonna be a long week.

_

* * *

_

A/N: In the next (maybe the one after that) chapter, it's going to be an 'I Know What You Did Last Summer' kind of chapter (the episode, not the movie), only happier, where Sam tells Dean how he found out that Gabriel's alive, what happened with that Vampire coven (it's not particularly nice or funny), and why he let Gabriel seduce him. And I'm not going to add Bobby/Crowley to the story; it just doesn't feel right – joking innuendo isn't out of the question, though.

_As always, read and review!_


	7. Chapter 7

**Cas's Logical Suggestion, Chapter 7**

_By CastielLovesDean_

_A/N: I know everyone's probably looking forward to how Sam and Gabe came to be "Sam and Gabe" - I missed Cas, though, and wanted more of him before I dedicated another chapter to barely having him in it or not at all. So the IKWYDLS chapter will have to be chapter 8. I hope you don't mind._

_In the meantime, enjoy!_

_Warning for this chapter: Discussion of mpreg (but no actual mpreg or current intent to turn this story into an mpreg). I hope it's humorous and not squicky._

_Still rated T because they teach Sex Ed in high schools where I'm from, and other than "putting on a condom" there's no graphic mature content. PM me if you think I need to raise this to M._

* * *

As Dean made his way into the basement towards the panic room he had been using as a bedroom for four days, the familiar, delectable smell of apple pie bombarded his senses. He wondered why it smelled like apple pie – no, that's not wholly accurate; he assumed there was an apple pie in the panic room with Castiel, but wondered why Castiel suddenly decided to get one – and where he got it, come to think of it. He heaved open the heavy iron door and was shocked at what he saw.

_Bobby's gonna be pissed._

The panic room, while still made of iron, encased in salt, and sporting several devil's traps, was no longer the panic room Dean had come to know and love. Now, it looked like a small, circular tantric sex pit with a custom-shaped roughly queen-sized bed, a circular table with two chairs, and a slough of lit candles. Across from the bed was a moderately-sized flat-screen TV. Next to the TV was Bobby's Bo Derek poster. Castiel was standing next to the wrought iron table holding the steaming pie.

Dean smiled and strode up to the table. "Apple pie!" he exclaimed. It may not have been his favorite pie – there were so many great ones, it was hard to choose – but apple was a classic and a great choice. "You know me so well," he tried to compliment the Angel. It was then Dean realized that Cas looked uncomfortable and even a little sad, which was a stark contrast to sixty seconds earlier on the phone. "What's the matter, Cas?"

Cas pouted further. "The pie was not my idea," he admitted. "It's from Gabriel."

"Gabriel?" Dean repeated dumbly.

"Yes. I was just going to have us quietly watch our movie on the cot, but he thought this," he gestured to the room, "would be better."

"Did he."

"He suggested that I serve you this pie while wearing a thong."

Dean's eyebrows shot up, and he couldn't resist looking Cas up and down, imagining what that would look like. Gabriel earned a couple points towards being able to have sex in the future. "Well, you know, it's okay if you're not comfortable with that yet."

Cas furrowed his brow. "But I _am_ wearing the thong."

Dean's jaw dropped a little. "Cas, you're..." Dean got distracted by Cas's patient, innocent look. "I mean... uh... that's great!" It seemed to work, as Cas looked decidedly less mournful. "Why don't you pop in the movie, and I'll start on this pie." He took the pie from Cas, not considering the fact that it was steaming, and nearly dropped it from the intense heat. He made a pained noise (but masculine; he swears it was masculine) and set it quickly on the table, blowing on his palms to relieve the first-degree burns. Cas was there a moment later, and he calmly kissed both palms once, healing them instantly. Dean smiled dumbly. "I guess Angel kisses cure everything," he joked lamely. It must have been _really_ lame, he realized, since even Cas grimaced at that joke. Dean cleared his throat uncomfortably and sat at the table to eat his pie. He could tell with one bite that it was fantastic, even by pie standards, and offered some to Castiel, who declined.

"I don't require food."

"But you _can_ eat it, right?"

"Yes."

"Try it. It's _yummy_."

Cas frowned at the use of the word, 'yummy,' but ate off the proffered fork, anyway. He nodded his head, admitting, "It's quite sapid."

"Huh?" Dean asked, frowning.

"It tastes good," Cas clarified slowly.

"Well, duh! It's _pie_."

Just then, the black screen on the TV changed to Bobby's living room, and familiar voices could be heard stage whispering.

"_Guys, the water's off. He'll be out soon."_

"_Not that soon – Gabriel is in there with him yet."_

"_You know, guys, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with Gabe seeing Dean naked."_

"_You're bitchin' about this now? Sorry to break it to ya, Princess, but this is happenin'!"_

"_Oh, come on! Cas, you have to see where I'm coming from on this – wouldn't you like to see Dean naked before Gabriel does?"_

"_I've seen Dean naked."_

Dean nearly choked on his pie and exclaimed, "What?" at the same time as TV!Bobby and TV!Sam. Cas just gestured at the TV, so Dean reluctantly focused on it once again.

"_When?" TV!Sam asked._

"_When I raised him from perdition. His body had been decimated from four months of decomposition, and I had to remake it. All of it. I know Dean's body better than anybody, even Dean."_

Dean, TV!Sam, and TV!Bobby allowed themselves a few seconds for disturbed contemplation.

"_Also, there have been several occasions where he didn't realize that I caught him copulating with a woman."_

Dean turned and looked at Cas accusingly.

Cas sounded genuinely apologetic when he explained, "This video was taken before you established the rule about the word _copulate_."

Dean squinted at Cas and said, "Okaaaaay..." It wasn't important for Cas to know that wasn't the point. He took another bite of pie.

"_You know, that's only happened to me once, but at the time he was in full 'copulation' mode. I nearly stabbed my eyes out with a fork."_

"_What made you change your mind?"_

Dean snorted. Leave it to Cas to take melodrama so literally.

"_Nobody really stabs their eyes out, Cas," TV!Bobby explained. "It's just a figure a speech."_

"_I see."_

"That's a stupid figure of speech," Cas bitched unexpectedly to Dean. Dean did choke this time, and Cas had to do his two-fingers thing to prevent his umpteenth untimely death.

_There was more awkward silence while Dean caught his breath, then TV!Sam stood and announced, "I'm gonna go check on Dean." He exited camera right and could be heard clomping up the stairs._

"_So," TV!Bobby asked, "What's gonna happen when Dean gets down 'ere?"_

"_I don't know," TV!Cas admitted soberly. "Gabriel's spell isn't that powerful. It depends how strong his latent feelings for me are."_

"_You plannin' on consummatin' my couch?" TV!Bobby demanded._

"_Do you know how strong his feelings for me would have to be for that to happen?"_

"_I've been tellin' ya, they're _that strong_!" He added with a whine, "I'm gonna have to reupholster it, ain't I?"_

"_I'm not so certain that -" TV!Cas's argument or reassurance or whatever it was going to be was cut off as TV!Dean walked up to him._

Dean knew the rest of what happened – after all, he'd been there. He ate his pie silently while watching the video, luxuriating in the fact that he was combining two of his favorite things – sex and pie. Of course, his two other favorite things were Sam and the Impala, and once you start adding those it just gets awkward and messy. Plus, he wouldn't want to ruin the Impala's upholstery.

When the video got to the part where Dean and Cas were both naked and the former was driving himself crazy struggling to put on the damn condom, Cas said, "There's something I should have told you while you were fumbling with those condoms."

"What's that? You allergic to latex?"

"Not at all. Angels aren't prone to allergic reactions – or earthly illness of any kind. But that's my point: it is unnecessary for you to use them with me as you have no illnesses and I could not catch them."

"And it's not like you can get pregnant, either," Dean joked.

"No," Cas agreed casually. "Not if I don't want to."

Dean paused the video and turned to stare directly at Cas, who seemed confused as to what was going on.

"What?" Cas asked. He and Dean stared curiously at each other for a moment before he asked with worry, "Have I said something wrong again?"

"'Not if I don't want to?'" Dean repeated at Castiel with his trademark attitude.

Castiel blinked. "Does my statement require further explanation?"

"Um... _yeah._"

"It is impossible for me to become pregnant unless I make a conscious decision to do so."

"But if you want, you _could_ get knocked up?"

"Dean, the ability to create a fetus and carry it to term is a matter of human physiology, which, like everything else, is one of my Father's creations. As an Angel, my Grace allows me to bestow said ability upon anyone I choose. Including myself... or you."

"Whoa!" Dean shouted in a panic, throwing up his hands defensively and leaping out of his chair. "No way! I am _not _getting pregnant!"

Castiel stood slowly, treating Dean like a frightened, dangerous animal. "I would, of course, discuss this matter with you before altering your anatomy."

"Nuh-uh!" Dean emphatically continued to argue. "There will be no discussion or altering of any anatomy! I am _not_ doing it!"

"As a family-oriented person, I believe you would enjoy the experience."

"Well, as a walking encyclopedia of weirdness, I think _Sam_ would '_enjoy the experience_!'"

"I agree. I believe Sam would find pregnancy intellectually stimulating." Cas added with the slightest hint of a smirk, "Imagine all the research he could do."

Dean snickered at the visual, allowing himself to calm down a little bit. "And all the equipment he could learn to use."

"We could take him shopping for maternity clothes."

Dean laughed out loud at that thought, adding, "And tell them what, he's got a tumor?"

"That's not necessary. We could merely dress him as a woman. I suspect he could be pretty if he tried."

Dean was bent over now, shaking through his peals of laughter and waving Cas off to get him to stop.

Cas didn't get the hint. "We could still call him, 'Sam,' since it's a unisex name." Even when Dean stopped breathing and his face turned red, Cas continued. "I could give him breasts for a day and raise the pitch of his voice. I wouldn't need to change his hair – it's feminine enough as is." Once Dean hit the ground, Cas could only think of one thing to add: "Bobby could do his makeup." It took Dean a while to stop laughing. Cas suspected Dean's uncontrollable laughter was more due to recent stress than his own hilarity. When Dean finally hauled himself back into his chair, Cas assured Dean, "I didn't mean to scare you before. About pregnancy?"

"Yeah, I know what you're talking about." Dean took a macho stance and added, "And you didn't scare me."

"It's just that... I know you want to have kids one day, and since it came up, I wanted you to know your options."

"Not happening!" Dean proclaimed with all the maturity of an 8-year-old... or Gabriel.

"Kids?"

"Pregnancy. Me. Nothin' doin'."

"What about me?"

"I dunno. Maybe. One day. In the distant future. Like, really distant."

Cas contemplated that for a moment, then asked as innocently as he could muster, "Well, even though we don't intend to conceive a child in the near future, could we still practice in the meantime?"

Dean smiled. "You know me so well." He kissed Cas roughly, and they threw themselves onto the bed, video forgotten and paused at the worst (or best) possible moment; neither of them noticed Gabriel's face in the background of the video or the tiny window of the panic room door.

However, Dean did get to find out that Cas looked mighty fine in his thong... even though he giggled at the harps on it.

_

* * *

_

A/N: Dear Brian, *steals pitchfork* Is this long enough for you? You know, suddenly I'm in the mood for s'mores. I needs me five large marshmellers - I can roast 'em all at once with this bad boy! ^_^

_As always, please review! And read and review my other stories! I love reviews!_


	8. Chapter 8

**Cas's Logical Suggestion, Chapter 8**

_By CastielLovesDean_

_A/N: Now the chapter you all (or at least supreme dramon) have been waiting for. Drum roll, please!_

_Warning for this chapter: Threat of non-con by a Vampire._

* * *

When Dean woke up, Cas wasn't beside him in bed. It was only surprising because Dean was pretty sure Cas would take every chance he could get to watch him sleep. Dean climbed out of bed ass-butt-naked to fish his cell phone out of his jeans pocket so he could call Sam; they had a conversation to finish. He climbed back under the covers, flipped open his phone, and saw there was a picture message waiting for him. He opened it.

_Dean – you drool in your sleep. It is cute. - Cas._ The picture attached was, in fact, a picture of Dean drooling in his sleep. Dean groaned in annoyance, visions of Castiel initiating an impromptu photo shoot while Dean was asleep dancing before his eyes. He wondered if Cas figured out how to set photos as backgrounds or caller ID's yet.

The phone rang violently in his hand, startling Dean out of his distress. "Hello?"

"Hey, where are you?"

"In bed. How's Gabriel taking abstinence?"

"What're you talking about?"

"Well, you said you wouldn't sleep with him until I said so, remember?"

"Of course I remember, but you sent me a text saying I could sleep with him."

"Uh, no I didn't."

"Yeah, you did. I got it, like, an hour ago."

"Dude, an hour ago I was busy sleeping off a major post-coital high."

"'Post-coital?'" Sam mocked with a giggle.

"Shut up! I've been spending too much time with Cas, alright?"

"Whatever, but if you didn't send the text, then -" There was a moment when what must have happened dawned on both of them, and Dean could hear the rustling of blankets followed by, "GABRIEL!" There was a moment of awkward silence before Sam vowed, "Oh, I'm gonna kill 'im!"

"What's the matter, did your Trickster boyfriend trick you into puttin' out?"

"Shut up," Sam groused, highly irritated.

"Are you shocked that he's capable of something so underhanded?"

"Ugh, would you knock it off about him?"

"Jeez!" Dean yelled defensively. "Sorry! I'm not the one who seduced you under false pretenses!"

"I know, I know. Look, I know he's given you plenty of reasons to hate him, but I really need you to be the mature one here. No matter how much he goads you, please, _please_ don't stoop to his level or say negative things about him."

"Yeah, fine. Whatever. You're still gonna tell me how you two became... 'you two,' right?"

_It all started about a month after Lucy went back in his box. Sam had gone back to hunting shortly after giving up on learning why he wasn't still in Hell, and it wasn't long before he stumbled upon a familiar case profile. There had been several newsworthy incidents in a tiny city not far from Cedar Rapids. Sam (and Bobby) recognized the pattern as traditional Trickster crap and thought they had finally stumbled upon an _actual_ Trickster for once, what with Gabriel being dead and all._

_Boy were they wrong. Soon after Sam and Bobby got into town, they tracked down the location of the so-called 'Trickster,' only to be shocked by what happened then._

"_Hey, guys!" a bone-chillingly familiar voice called out. "Long time, no see!"_

_Bobby paled slightly, since he was fully aware of how deep the shit they were in was, but managed to remark sarcastically, "Well, these are useless," and toss his stake aside._

"_What's up, doc?" Gabriel asked cheerfully. When they didn't respond, Gabriel pouted. "Aaaw. What's with the sour pusses?"_

_Despite knowing perfectly well that Gabriel enjoyed torturing and killing people, and that they were currently defenseless against him, Sam boldly accused, "You're still killing people."_

"_Am I."_

"_This needs to stop."_

"_Does it."_

"_I don't get it. You get another chance at life, and you spend it ending others' lives?"_

"_Uh, first of all, _Sammy_, I did not get another chance at life. I didn't actually die, Lucifer never actually killed me. It was a trick. Just like the first time. And the second." He laughed obnoxiously then, startling both Hunters. "I mean, come on, how many times do I have to fake my death right in front of you before you understand why I'm the king of witness protection?"_

"_Okay, you win. It was stupid to think you were dead. Is there a 'second of all?'"_

_Gabriel pursed his lips as if deep in thought. "Yes: I haven't killed anyone lately. To be specific, not since your mean ol' brother yelled at me." He adopted a traumatized expression. "It was awful."_

"_So you expect me to believe a perfectly healthy pedophile died of a massive Herpes infection? That just doesn't happen."_

"_Uh, yeah, it does. There've been, like, seven recorded cases of that happening."_

_Sam gave Gabriel his I-don't-believe-a-word-you-say-but-thank-you-for-making-my-point bitchface and suggested, "And I suppose that Eco-terrorist blew herself up with that bomb?"_

"_She was making a _bomb_. Self-destruction is common among newbie bombers. And before you accuse me of that other guy's death, people need to choose their victims wisely. Some gay people happen to be excellent martial artists."_

_Sam said nothing, continuing to give Gabriel his bitchface._

"_Oh, and maybe I should have mentioned this before... I made them all up."_

"_What do you mean, you _made them up_?"_

"_Please. I knew you guys couldn't resist hunting a Trickster. I made them all up. And their stories. And their victims. I mean, come on, there aren't any gay ninjas near Cedar Rapids. Maybe in Japan or -"_

"_So, what, this is a trap?"_

"_In a manner of speaking."_

"_For us, or any Hunter that caught your scent?"_

"_For you. More specifically, for _you_, Sam."_

"_And what do you want with me?"_

"As it turned out," Sam explained, "he wanted to hunt with us."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. I mean, I didn't believe him at the time, but he claims you ruined murder and mayhem for him and that he'd like to help us kill things so he could satisfy that side of himself without feeling guilty."

"Huh."

"'Huh,' what?"

"So he was your new hunting partner?"

"Not right away, no. That didn't happen until after the Vampire coven got me."

Dean felt something awful in the pit of his stomach. He knew he was gonna hate this story, and that it'd kill him a little every time he thought about playing house while Sammy was being tortured by a nest of Vampires. Even so, he just had to ask, "What happened with the Vampire coven?"

_It had been a month since he'd seen Gabriel near Cedar Rapids, but less than a day since he'd fallen into the Vampires' trap despite Bobby's warning. Sam found that dangling from antique shackles went from uncomfortable to painful rather quickly. He was chained up by his wrists so that he had to stand on his toes, and his ankles were chained to the floor to prevent unwanted kicking and lashing out. They'd stripped him down to his underwear for easy access, and he was very thankful they'd at least left him something for modesty._

_That was about as far as the silver lining went. After the first half hour where he'd refused to stop talking, yelling, babbling, or screaming in an attempt to make the Vampires sorry they took him, they gagged him. Not with rope or duct tape or something handy lying about the coven, but with an actual ball gag. The Vampires' leader had lamented losing one of his favorite toys to a meal and threatened to include him in playtime if he didn't shut up and stop struggling, molesting his naked torso for emphasis._

"He _what_?" Dean growled menacingly.

"It's okay," Sam reassured him quickly. "Nothing happened; I'm pretty sure it was an idle threat."

"_Pretty sure_? I'm gonna tear his limbs off!"

"Well, you can't; Gabriel took care of them. Look, I know you're not liking this story, but you gotta let me tell it, man."

Dean growled but didn't say anything more.

_The threat worked. As much as he didn't want to just hold still and let a nest of Vampires drink his tainted blood, he wanted to end up the unwilling guest in one of their beds even less. Plus, he still had plenty of hope that he would get out of this. There were two things he knew that were working in his favor: one, Vampires were known for keeping their victims alive and imprisoned for weeks or even months so as to have a continuous food supply; two, Bobby Singer was looking for him. Bobby, who might be the best Hunter, but was almost definitely the most-connected Hunter, knew where he'd gone and what he'd gone after, so it was only a matter of time before he showed up to save the day. Possibly with a small army in tow. In the meantime, all he'd have to do was survive multiple feedings by multiple Vampires and pray they didn't make much more out of him than food._

_But suddenly, as he was musing over what little he could do, he realized he had one weapon left in his arsenal – prayer. It was something he hadn't done in a long time, but as far as he knew, there were two angels that might hear him and be willing or able to help: Cas and Gabriel. He silently called out to them both at once, wondering if anything would happen. Or if they could even find him, what with the anti-Angel sigils still carved into his ribcage._

"Nothing happened right away," Sam explained. "I didn't know it at the time, but Gabriel had heard my prayer but couldn't find me, so he called Bobby."

"He had his phone number?"

"He stole your phone. If you were missing it for a day last July, Gabriel had it."

"Oh, my God," Dean cried mournfully.

"What?"

"That's the day I took Ben to the local carnival."

"Ugh. I hate clowns."

"Yeah, well, while I was schooling Ben in skeeball and getting sick on cotton candy, you were being eaten alive by a flock of Vampires."

"First of all, there was nothing you could do; secondly, I was, and continue to be, _okay_. It wasn't that long before Gabriel showed up."

_He'd given up hope that Cas or Gabe would come. Able to teleport, if one of the Angels he knew heard his prayers and cared to answer them, they'd have been there by now. Of course, Bobby wasn't exactly a Hail Mary – he was more of a sure thing than anyone else he knew. Angels had just been his quickest hope. Now that they were out of the picture, he'd have to bide his time until he had the opportunity to escape or Bobby came for him. Unfortunately, that pretty much meant compliance, just the thought of which made his skin crawl. He spent the next hour holding still and being quiet while strange Vampires took turns sinking their teeth into him. As long as their teeth were all they were putting in him, he could handle it._

_Gabriel showed up during a lull in their feeding while he was woozy from blood loss. "Sammy!" he greeted cheerily as if neither of them were deep inside a Vampire nest. "Chained up and gagged is a good look for you," he offered as a compliment. "Granted, I'd prefer it on Dean..."_

"Did he really say that?"

"Dean, focus."

_Still gagged, all Sam could do was stare pleadingly at Gabriel; he turned his puppy-eyes on full-force. Gabriel rolled his eyes and removed the gag._

"_Help me," Sam begged._

_Gabriel sighed and surprised Sam by saying something sincere. "Of course. Why else would I be here?" He snapped his fingers and Sam was suddenly on Bobby's couch._

_Bobby hung up his phone and ran to Sam's side, inspecting the shackles that Gabriel neglected to remove and the bite marks left by the Vampires. When he was pretty sure Sam's condition wasn't life-threatening, he pulled the taller man into a fatherly hug. After at least a full minute, Bobby found his voice and tearfully demanded, "Don't you ever do that to me again y'hear?"_

"_Yeah. I know. I'm sorry, Bobby."_

"_'Sorry' don't cut it, boy! I'm _old_; how many times d'you think you can die on me before my heart gives out?"_

"_Okay, enough waterworks!" Gabriel announced suddenly from across the room._

_Sam and Bobby both watched him curiously as the morally-gray Archangel approached Sam and removed his restraints. _

"_Are you okay?" the Archangel asked._

"_I've been worse."_

"_Yeah, well, you've been _dead_. That's not what I asked." Then, he beckoned Sam to stand and continued to silently and methodically heal each of Sam's bite marks, as well as re-infuse his veins with blood._

"So, what, you were so grateful you jumped his bones?"

"No!"

"Then what happened?"

"I was so grateful, I let him be my hunting partner for a while."

"Do Samuel and our third-cousins-twice-removed or whatever know about him? And that he's an Angel?"

"No, and it's going to stay that way."

"Okay. So, how'd you two shack up?"

"I dunno. I mean, we spent a lot of time together. He's really funny and actually has a sweet side to match his sweet tooth. We just grew closer over a few months and one thing led to another... you know how these things happen."

"Sure."

"Could you sound less sarcastic?"

"Probably, but I never said I would hide my feelings for the guy, so I don't think I will. Besides, it kinda sounds like the story of how you started fucking -"

"Don't," Sam interrupted. "Don't say that name. This is not the same thing. She was a manipulative bitch bent on starting the Apocalypse."

"And Gabriel's not manipulative? Didn't he just manipulate you into sleeping with him?"

"Look, Gabriel and I have a really good thing going here. It would be perfect if you two would just get along. Ask anybody! … As long as it's Cas or Bobby."

"Yeah, I know that," Dean acknowledged. "Cas said Gabriel loves you."

"And you'll believe him but not me?"

"He was right about She Who Must Not Be Named. Besides, you're all full of hormones and stuff. I'm not sure which head you're thinking with." Dean could feel the bitchface Sam sent through the phone.

"Way to be gross, Dean," Sam rooted sarcastically.

"For you? Anytime." Dean heard a beep on his phone. "Hey, I gotta go. I got another call."

"Okay. But Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Okay, honestly, how do you feel about me and Gabriel?"

Dean sighed. "Honestly?" he repeated. "Honestly, I think he's smart, funny, and, while he's gone too far in the past, I'm pretty sure his moral compass is similar to ours. I'm sure once I get used to him, he'll irritate me less."

"I'm really glad you said that. So I can sleep with him now?"

Dean snorted. "After that trick he pulled? Hell no!" He clicked over to the other line. "Hello?"

"Hey, Dean."

_

* * *

_

TBC.

_A/N: Dun dun dun! Who's that calling Dean? You won't know until chapter 9 comes out. BWAHAHAHA *cough* *cough* *hack* *wheeze* Oh, I gotta jog more. *cough*_

_There. I believe I warned you the Vampire story wasn't pretty or particularly funny, so there you go._

_I've been thinking about endings. I was thinking that I could write, like, three different alternate endings so you guys could decide which one you like best. Plus, I already have ideas for a sequel to one of the alternate endings. I'm interested in requests or suggestions. PM me._

_As always, please review! And read and review my other stories! I love reviews!_

_Since we're getting up there (though it probably won't happen until chapter 10), free fic request to the 100th reviewer! To prove I mean it, feel free to read (and review) the fic I wrote for MedicalNonsense, "Public Displays of Affection"_

_Also, my deepest apologies to any gay ninjas near Cedar Rapids._


	9. Chapter 9

**Cas's Logical Suggestion, Chapter 9**

_By CastielLovesDean_

_**Warnings** for this chapter: Jokes about a Bobby/Crowley slash relationship, but they're just jokes. Also, more allusions to bestiality. And a reference to Harry Potter._

_A/N: This would have been up sooner, but my doggie got very sick very suddenly and I've been busy taking care of him. He's better now._

_This is the last chapter before I post **three different endings** in the places of chapters 10, 11, and 12. They will be clearly labeled in several spots._

_To satisfy my pro-**Bobby/Crowley** readers, one of the endings will include this slash pairing. For the rest of the fic and the other endings, you should assume that Bobby and Crowley are just friends. To those of you who think B/C is squicky, that ending will not contain kissing, cuddling, or below-the-belt nudity, and I encourage you to give it a chance. I understand if you cannot, and in that case I hope you'll still read the other two endings (once I post them). Also, that will be my first attempt at B/C and I would like feedback on whether or not I did the pairing justice._

_To satisfy my pro-mpreg readers (and myself, lol), one of the endings will have **Destiel mpreg**. I'm pretty sure I know which boy will be preggers, but it is still possible to change my mind with logic (I'm a big fan of logic, in case you didn't notice) or ample begging, lol. Keep in mind, I intend to write a sequel to Cas's Logical Suggestion based on this ending which will include the entire pregnancy through the birth of their child and bringing it home (which will probably be Bobby's house for now). I hope people who are squicked by mpreg will read that ending anyway (I know one who will) and let me know if it was about what they expected or, hopefully, better. If it's not too squicky, please read the ensuing sequel. This ending and the first chapter of the sequel will be posted at the same time to make it easier for you guys to subscribe to that fic if you so choose._

_I am undecided on what the third ending should be (though I have a couple ideas), and I am open to suggestions. I am also open to writing more than three endings if I get bitten by several plot-bunnies (or ending-bunnies, as it were) at the same time._

_Thank you for your time._

* * *

"Hey, Bobby!" Dean yawned in bed. "I thought you were asleep."

"Asleep? What time d'ya think it is?"

"Uh... I dunno..." Dean looked around for a clock. Table, chairs, empty pie dish, large TV paused on... oh, my... No clock. "I just woke up myself a couple minutes ago."

"It's two in the afternoon," Bobby informed him. "Didja sleep well, Princess?"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Did you have a reason for calling other than to mock my sleeping habits?"

"Yeah, there's somethin' I gotta say."

Dean stretched sleepily and scooted back under the covers, pulling the thick comforter up around his naked chest. "What's that," he asked, "been hooking up with Crowley?"

"What? Eew. No! Why wouldja even say that?"

"I dunno. Me and Cas, Sam and Gabe... I mean, it's _weird_; it_'_s like all the straight guys I know are suddenly turning gay, ya know?"

"Well, that's fine, but Crowley? Really?"

Dean shrugged halfheartedly against his pillow. "Yeah, why not? He's been around a bit lately... you kissed him..."

"It was a _Deal_. I kissed him just like your daddy kissed Yellow-Eyes."

Dean sat up sharply, his blanket falling to his waist. "What!"

"Oh, don't act so surprised! You know that's the way Demon Deals work!"

"Yeah, I know." He added, covering his eyes as if to block the images, "I just didn't need the visual, okay?"

"Fine," Bobby continued, "but just because a couple a guys-"

"A guy and a _Demon_."

"-hang out from time ta time, have a couple friendly chess matches, occasionally go ta brunch-"

"Brunch?" Dean reiterated with a scoff. "You guys do _brunch_?" He got out of bed and started to pace back and forth in the crowded room. "Y'know, Bobby, I was joking about you two before, but now, I'm pretty sure you're dating."

"I'll have you know that Crowley prefers breakfast and I prefer lunch. Brunch is a perfectly logical compromise – yer boyfriend even suggested it!"

"Oh, and now you're compromising? I take it back – you're not dating; you're _married_."

"I am not sleeping with Crowley!"

Dean barked out a laugh. "That just proves you're married."

"I sent the text," Bobby blurted out.

The sudden topic change confused Dean, and he stopped pacing. "Text?"

"That's what I called ta say. I sent the text ta Sam sayin' he could continue _gettin' it on_ with Gabe."

"What? Why? _How_?"

"One question at a time, ya idjit!"

Dean sighed and slouched against the small table. "Fine. Let's start with 'how.'"

"Oh, that was easy. I walked in the panic room while you were sleepin' – by the way, you'd better put it back as you found it – took yer phone, texted Sam, put it back, an' left."

"Cas didn't stop you?"

"He was busy takin' creepy pictures of you while ya slept."

"And _you_ didn't stop _him_?"

"I thought it was funny," Bobby admitted with a laugh.

Dean growled in frustration before something occurred to him. "Hold on a second... you were asleep when Sam cut Gabriel off – how'd you find out about it?"

"Ya think I don't know what goes on in my own house? Use yer head, boy!"

"Wh..." _Oh, not good._ Dean straightened against the table. "So, you know everything that happens in here?"

"Yep."

"Like... _everything_?"

"Yeah," Bobby repeated with a judgmental tone.

Dean blushed and lowered his voice. "Even..."

"Even that."

There was a long, awkward pause while Dean searched the room, wondering where that squid had scampered off to. How long could they even live out of water? "Look, Bobby..." he started.

"Dean, the twisted things you and yer Angel do to each other in private is yer own business. Just know that yer scrubbin' the entire panic room with lye before ya go anywhere."

"No problem," Dean acquiesced easily, dropping the subject. This wasn't exactly something he was eager to discuss with the older Hunter. "What were we talking about again?"

"Your brother an' his Angel."

_Oh. Right. _Dean made an annoyed face.

"Don't make that face at me, boy!"

_How the Hell could he know?_ "Okay."

"You wanted to know why I sent the text."

"Yeah. Yeah, I remember."

"Well, part of it's the white-noise. I've gotten so used to the _thump thump thump_ on the wall at night, I can hardly fall asleep without it."

"Bobby, you pervert!" Dean joked.

"More importantly," Bobby continued, sounding irritated, "whether er not you'd like to see it, Sam an' Gabriel are good together. I mean, I know Gabriel's kind of a dick, but so are you. And just like you, he has his moments where it's obvious that he cares."

"Hey, you don't have to tell me! Sam just gave me the rundown, like, two seconds ago!"

"Yeah, well, he didn't tell you the whole story."

_Sam doesn't always tell the complete truth. For example, he remembers exactly what Gabriel did to get Sam to fall in love with him. It wasn't his hilarity or his zeal or his intelligence... it wasn't all the times he'd saved his ass on a hunt or the nightmares he'd turned into Kinkade-esque dreamscapes. It wasn't even the little gifts he'd leave him in the cutest or (more commonly) most awkward places._

_It was the pictures._

_It started out a couple times a month, then every week. Eventually, every couple of days, Sam would get a series of pix messages of Dean and his new little family, and his heart would melt. He worried about his brother a lot but didn't want to risk Dean's happiness by being in close physical proximity, so Gabriel volunteered to send him proof of life, so to speak. The romantic aspect to their relationship started last Christmas._

_Sam had never been much of a Christmas guy, but since Gabriel was, after all, an Angel of the Lord, they had to celebrate. It was pretty much just Sam, Gabriel, and Bobby hanging out in Bobby's living room where the old Hunter had set up a cozy fire and a surprisingly nice tree, which had 6 presents under it. They were drinking what they called eggnog but was really more rum than anything. Every time the drink ran out, Gabriel would pop up off the couch, shout, "Why is the rum gone!" and refill the carton. It was funny the first couple times, then it was irritating for a while. It became funny again once Sam and Bobby were sufficiently sloshed._

_When Sam and Bobby woke up the next morning, miraculously hangover-free (it was literally a miracle - Gabriel did it), there were even more presents under the tree, and Gabriel was walking into the cleaner-than-it's-been-in-recent-memory living room with three humungous mugs of hot chocolate and a can of whipped cream. "Rise and shine!" he greeted the Hunters obnoxiously._

_The hot chocolate was, of course, delicious. Sam had long since learned that, when it came to chocolate and miscellaneous sweets, Gabriel was practically a gourmet chef. And all the extra gifts said they were from Santa, but Sam and Bobby suspected that was a lie. "I thought we agreed on one present each," Sam complained._

_Gabriel shrugged apathetically, only offering a flat, "Meh," by way of explanation._

_They took turns opening presents until Sam opened the one for him that was actually labeled as being from Gabriel. It was something straight out of Harry Potter: a moving picture. Actually, it was a cross between a moving picture and a photoshopped picture because Sam, Dean, Bobby, Gabriel, Lisa, and Ben were all in the picture, dressed in Christmas attire. Lisa had her arm on Ben's shoulder; Dean had his arm on her shoulder; Sam's arm was completely around Dean's shoulders, and Bobby was standing next to Sam. Gabriel was behind Sam and Bobby, holding a sprig of mistletoe over Sam's head._

_Sam looked up from the picture to ask Gabe about that last part, but was surprised to see that Gabe had pulled a Cas and invaded his personal space. He could see the mistletoe hovering magically over their heads, and he commented, "Mistletoe."_

"_It has a mind of its own," Gabriel insisted._

"_That means we're supposed to kiss."_

"_Does it?" Gabriel asked, feigning ignorance. "Well, far be it for me to disregard Human traditions. Wouldn't wanna be rude." He started to lean in slowly, but Sam had a different idea._

_The tall Hunter grabbed Gabriel's head, kissed him hard on the lips, and pulled him into his lap, all thoughts of Christmas morning or the third person in the room gone._

"Hey, don't paint me a picture!" Dean whined. "I get it, alright?"

"Are ya sure? I could go into more detail."

"No, really. Gabriel: good. Got it."

"Okay, well, I gotta go tell Sam what I did before he damages my floor with all that stompin' around he's doin'."

"Alright. Talk to you later, Bobby." Dean hung up his phone and set it on the table he was still leaning against.

"You know, Dean, the basement air does you well... or maybe that shower was colder than I realized. Either way, kudos to you."

"Huh?" Dean asked warily, unfazed by Gabriel's sudden appearance.

Gabriel waggled his eyebrows and looked pointedly _below-the-belt_.

Dean looked down and realized he was still naked. "Son of a bitch!" he shouted angrily, attempting to hide behind one of the chairs. "What's with you cornering me naked?" he demanded.

"I don't know. What's with you being unable to keep your clothes on when no one else is around?"

Dean growled, somehow managing to pull off 'menacing' while hiding naked behind a wrought iron chair.

"Never mind," Gabriel said. "I take it back. Here," he tossed Dean his pants and shirt, "get dressed."

"How generous of you," Dean snarked as he donned his jeans.

"I'm a giver," Gabriel stated with faux modesty.

Dean rolled his eyes and put on his shirt.

"Look, I didn't come here to irritate you," Gabe swore, "though it's fun and easy. And maybe just a little bit force of habit."

"Why did you come here, then? Without knocking, might I add?"

"'Cause Sammy's important to me, and I wanted to clear the air."

Dean sighed dramatically. "It's clear, alright. You two may do whatever you want to each other. Just don't tell me about it, okay?"

"Yay!" Gabriel shouted childishly, glomping Dean partly because he was excitable and partly because he knew it would annoy Dean.

"Okay, okay!" Dean shouted, protesting the invasion. "Dude, personal space!" It must have been an Angel thing.

"Sorry," Gabriel apologized, sounding not the least bit sorry. "I gotta go, anyways. Places to go, people to do... mostly Sammy."

Dean clenched his fists in frustration as Gabe popped out of the room as suddenly as he'd entered it.

"Hello, Dean."

Dean spun around, getting dizzy at the constant turnstile of visitors. "Oh," he said lamely. "Hey, Cas. Where've ya been?"

"Returning Peter to his home."

Dean frowned. "Who's Peter?"

"The squid."

"You named the squid Peter?" he asked.

"That is his name."

Dean nodded awkwardly. "Uh-huh."

"Dean?"

Dean sighed, wondering what amusing, adorable, socially inept thing would pop out of his mouth next. "Yeah, Cas?"

"Why do you have a piece of paper taped to your back that says, 'Kick Me'?"

_God damn motherfucking Gabriel._

_

* * *

_

A/N: When I wanted a reason for Bobby to have sent the text, my fiancé came up with the white-noise theory. So, thank him if you enjoyed that.


	10. Ending A

**Cas's Logical Suggestion, Ending A**

_By CastielLovesDean_

_Warning: Mpreg! Yay!_

* * *

A prank war ensued after Gabriel stuck the 'kick me' sign on Dean's back. For obvious reasons, Dean was at a bit of a disadvantage. I mean, come on: a thirty-something mortal against an Archangel who had spent the better part of his ten _thousand_ years on Earth pranking people in the most original and deadly ways? No contest. Plus, said Archangel didn't play fair – while Dean was limited to traditional human methods, Gabriel could alter the very fabric of reality, and was not averse to doing so just to fuck with Dean.

But the most significant problem? Gabriel didn't quite know where to draw the line. While it pissed Dean off to no end constantly having to repaint his hot pink Chevy Impala, and he'd shocked himself a couple times reprogramming the horn to honk instead of play _It's Raining Men_, those were fairly minor infractions in the grand scheme of things. He'd only wasted a total of about 36 hours repeatedly restoring his car to the way it was, and there was no actual damage to the car (unlike the time all the air was let out of the tires), so he could handle it. No, the line was egregiously crossed in another way, and Dean didn't find out until it was too late.

Dean and Cas had just spent all night... salting and burning, if you will... and Dean had worked up quite the appetite. Salting and burning will do that. Anyway, his stomach was threatening to climb out of his mouth and strangle him with his own intestines (he'd seen weirder) if he didn't feed it soon, and 'swallowing'... let's say 'salt'... wasn't good enough. So he'd gone upstairs to raid the fridge for sustenance, pulling out the mind-numbingly delicious peach cobbler Marcy Ward had made for Bobby (she'd given him a second chance after the Okami incident) and a bottle of his favorite beer. He pried off the cap and put the bottle to his mouth, but his lips never made contact with the cool brown glass. He did not whine pathetically (he did, but don't tell him I told you) as he looked around in confusion. Castiel was standing in front of him, head cocked in that precious way only he was capable of, holding Dean's open bottle of beer. "What the Hell, Cas? Give me back my beer."

"You should not drink this."

"Look, one beer in the morning doesn't make me an alcoholic, okay? Give it back."

"That is not my concern."

"Then what gives?"

Castiel frowned. "This was not your intent?"

Dean clenched his fists in frustration. "_What_ wasn't my intent?" Cas didn't answer. Instead, he got extremely shifty-eyed and disappeared with his beer. Dean grunted, confused, hungry, and thirsty, and got another beer out of the fridge. That one, too, disappeared before he could drink it, and when he went to get yet another one from the fridge, the rest of the pack was missing. "What a dick!" he shouted into the air, hoping Cas would get the point and return his beer. He was less than surprised when that didn't happen. Dean ended up settling for a cup of decaf, forgetting all about the beer as he dug into the cobbler. He was only a couple bites into the cobbler when he heard a commotion upstairs and Cas popped back in, Gabriel in tow.

Castiel looked positively livid. Used to his angelic lover's face being blank, sad, or (recently) of the "Oh..." variety, seeing him like this was a new, somewhat intimidating experience... and a little bit of a turn on. Until he saw Gabriel, that is. Gabriel was wincing with Castiel's hand painfully gripping his left ear, desperately clinging to a golden bed-sheet to cover up his private areas. "You tell him what you did!" Cas commanded, making the house shake and the lights flicker.

"Fine!" Gabriel gave in easily. "Just let go of my ear!" Once his ear was free, he rubbed it soothingly and wrapped his sheet around himself like a toga. Finally, he looked Dean up and down. "Hey!" he oohed brightly, "it worked!"

"What worked?" Dean demanded in a panic, wondering what awful thing Gabe had done to him. Boobs? No. Though that might have been fun for, like, a day. Dick? Check. Balls? Check. Embarrassing tattoo? No. As far as he could tell, his hair and clothes were normal. He looked back at Cas and Gabe, who still looked respectively pissed and delighted, and a delighted Gabe was never a good sign. "What the Hell did you do to me?"

"Nothing anyone would notice," Gabe answered defensively. "Just a slight tweak to your internal anatomy." Cas grabbed his ear again and twisted it, causing Gabe to add, "But I really thought Cas would notice before anything came of it!"

"Came of what?" Sam asked, walking into the room with his shirt improperly buttoned.

Cas scowled further at Gabe but released his ear, then gave Dean an unsure look. "You're with child."

Sam's jaw dropped, but he remained silent.

Dean blinked. "Come again?"

"It's not that big a deal when you think about it," Gabe insisted.

"Not that big a deal?" Dean repeated. "_Not that big a deal?_ I'm a Hunter! It's far too dangerous of a lifestyle for pregnant women... _people_," he corrected himself. "I'm gonna be sidelined for the next nine months!"

"Actually, Dean, it's more like ten months."

"Well, thank _you_, Dr. Sexy!" Dean yelled at Sam, effectively shutting up the taller man.

"You'd better control that anger, Dean," Gabe warned. "High blood pressure's not good for the baby."

Dean flushed with anger, but before he could throttle the irritating Archangel, Cas did it for him. "Gabriel, I swear to Dad, if you lay another finger on Dean, Sam's going to lose another loved one to a fire."

"Whoa!" Sam protested. "Dean's fine! Don't you think you're overreacting a little bit?"

Cas glared daggers at Sam and announced, "I'll be back soon. I trust you'll stop your boyfriend from further defiling your brother while I'm gone?"

"I think 'defile' is a bit strong of a word, but yeah, nothing'll happen. Scout's honor."

"It had better not," Cas threatened, then disappeared in a huff.

Sam, Dean, and Gabriel all stood in uncomfortable silence, contemplating the excessive ferocity of Cas's new-found protective side. Finally, Gabe spoke up, "So, Dean, isn't it difficult to fuck him with that stick up his ass?"

"Gabe!" Sam admonished.

"You made me pregnant! How the Hell do you expect him to react?"

"Unh-uh! I made you _able_ to get pregnant. It's Cas's little swimmers that finished the job."

"That's not the point! If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be in this situation at all! I'm not ready for a baby!"

"Oh, come on! In order for Cas to knock you up, he'd have to be on top – something I figured a control freak like you wouldn't let happen!"

"Hey! I'm not selfish enough to call 'topsies' forever!"

Sam snickered childishly. "Topsies?"

"Shut up, Sam!"

"You know, Dean, I think you're being a little harsh on Gabe."

"Man, are you serious? How would you like it if he tricked you into getting pregnant? Actually, you should probably ask Cas to make sure he didn't, since he clearly has no concept of personal boundaries."

"Gabriel is not going to surprise me with a pregnancy," Sam swore with a confidence that belied the questioning look he exchanged with Gabe.

"I didn't!" Gabe yelled. "Look, if it's that big of a problem, I can put you back the way you were."

Dean's hand wandered protectively to his abdomen of its own accord. "What the Hell does that mean? Now you're threatening to kill my kid?"

"No!" Gabe insisted, stopping that line of thought. "Well, maybe, depending on how you look at it. It'll be as if this never happened."

"If you do anything to my baby, Cas won't get the chance to make good on his threat 'cause I'll kill you myself."

"Guys, guys, come on!" Sam pleaded, playing the mediator. "No one's killing anyone, okay? Dean, Gabe wasn't threatening anything, he was just letting you know your options."

"Exactly!" Gabe agreed with Sam, crossing his arms smugly.

"And Gabe... honey, I love you, but don't be an idiot. You know perfectly well Dean would never agree to that."

Dean was still fuming when Cas popped back in, directly between Dean and Gabe, and handed Dean a small yellow gift bag. "What's this?"

"I thought this might make you feel better about the situation," Cas explained nervously. "I know it's far too early for us to be having a child together, but I was really hoping we could focus on the miracle involved rather than the fact that Gabriel's an ass-butt."

Dean frowned, the hilarity of Castiel's socially inept insult lost to the memories it brought forth. Like Dean tended to do with all his emotions, he squashed those memories down and stuck his hand in the gift bag, pulling out the contents of the bag. He glanced at Cas, then unfolded the garment: it was a tiny pink onesie that said "Lil Angel" with a halo over "Angel" and wings on the back. "Aww," Dean cooed. "But what if it's a boy?"

Cas glanced at Dean's abdomen, then looked him in the face again. "She's not a boy."

Dean's lip quivered emotionally. "It's a girl?" he asked in a higher-pitched voice than he'd intended. While it truly wouldn't have mattered if it was a boy, a girl, or something else entirely, he'd decided when he was ten years old what he'd name his daughter if he ever had one. He stared at the onesie (his daughter's onesie) for a few more seconds before being overcome by self-consciousness; he hadn't noticed the incredulous look Sam had been giving him. He quickly shoved the onesie in his pocket, cleared his throat, and said casually in a deep voice, "That's cool."

"Ha!" Gabriel laughed and pointed at Dean. "You're liking this! I did a good thing! I'm off the hook!"

"No, you're not!" Dean growled. He grabbed Castiel's hand and stormed out of the kitchen with him. He stopped suddenly in the living room, spinning around to face Cas. "Cas?" he asked, inches from his face.

"Dean."

"Do you think I'm ready for this? I mean, I don't have a home, I have no idea how to install a car seat... I don't have a vagina! How the Hell am I gonna get it out of me?"

"Dean," Cas calmed him, "you're an intelligent, talented man. You can handle anything God throws at you. Besides, you may recall that I'm an Angel of the Lord; I can handle the delivery."

Dean supposed he had a good point. He couldn't explain the sudden uncharacteristic surge of panic, but just as suddenly, it was gone. He'd lived through the Apocalypse – he could handle a baby. Besides, he'd practically raised Sam, and he turned out alright.

Ish.

_

* * *

_

To Be Continued in Cas's Logical Sequel! The prologue is already posted, but it's very short. I just wanted to get it up quickly so those of you who want to can subscribe to a story alert (those of you that don't have me on author alert, for some reason.)

_A/N: No part of this was meant to be a political statement about abortion. The opinions expressed by the characters do not necessarily represent my own._


	11. Ending B

**Cas's Logical Suggestion, Ending B**

_By CastielLovesDean_

_Warning: Bobby/Crowley, not sexually explicit but with some nudity._

_All three endings begin with pretty much the same first one and a half paragraphs. Don't freak out – I'm just lazy. ^_^_

_I'm really, really sorry it's been nearly two months since I updated. If it helps, I have a cut on my finger because I was viciously accosted by a packet of brown gravy mix, and it hurts. :( Also, the the third ending will be rated M, and it shouldn't be far behind. Those of you who wonder if I'm any good at writing M-rated fics, read Blow Me and find out._

* * *

A prank war ensued after Gabriel stuck the 'kick me' sign on Dean's back. For obvious reasons, Dean was at a bit of a disadvantage. I mean, come on: a thirty-something mortal against an Archangel who had spent the better part of his ten _thousand_ years on Earth pranking people in the most original and deadly ways? No contest. Plus, said Archangel didn't play fair – while Dean was limited to traditional human methods, Gabriel could alter the very fabric of reality, and was not averse to doing so just to fuck with Dean.

It pissed Dean off to no end constantly having to scrape Hello Kitty decals off his '67 Impala, and he'd shocked himself a couple times reprogramming the horn to honk instead of play _Barbie Girl._ And truth be told, the biggest problem wasn't even a prank. He'd just gotten so accustomed to being pranked that he made a big ass of himself in front of one of his dearest friends because he thought he was being pranked yet again.

It happened on the first day of December. The previous night's blizzard had literally buried the Impala in the snow, and he ended up spending the better part of an hour freeing his baby from its frosty tomb. Unfortunately, the biggest shovel in the world (or even Bobby's handy dandy excavator) couldn't unstick the Impala's frozen doors, so he had to run inside for an industrial extension cord and Sam's hairdryer.

Before he could even get to the stairs, he heard a suspicious noise coming from the kitchen. As far as he knew, Sam and Bobby were having breakfast at the Sioux Falls diner where they'd first met Sheriff Mills, and their angelic companions were off doing angelic things, so naturally he wondered what was in the kitchen. He skulked through the living room, grabbing an iron fireplace poker just in case, and paused at the kitchen doors. Holding his breath to discern any more noises yet hearing nothing, Dean supposed the noise he'd heard before could have been a pipe expanding or the house settling, but he entered the kitchen anyway.

Of all the horrifying things he had and would come across in his life - strigas, wendigos, the croatoan virus, cats – what he saw that day was by far the worst: Bobby Singer... in a thong.

Dean let out a piercing, manly shriek as his vision blackened.

"Good news!" a familiar voice shouted with a British accent. "I got spotted dick!"

Knowing it was a bad idea, Dean slowly turned toward the voice and blinked the darkness from his eyes.

Crowley didn't look half bad in a thong, as it turned out, but his appearance asked more questions than it answered. "Bollocks," the Demon complained when he noticed Dean.

Dean suppressed to urge to cry. "Please tell me there's some ritual that requires you both to be dressed like that."

"Look," Bobby explained, "Crowley an' I have sorta been t'gether since before Sam said 'yes.' We didn't tell ya about us before 'cause we thought you might disapprove."

"Disapprove," Dean repeated sarcastically. "Really. Why on Earth would I 'disapprove' of you bumping uglies with a Demon? I seem to remember that working out well for Sammy. I mean, sure, he got hooked on Demon blood and nearly destroyed the world, but at least-" Dean stopped in the middle of his rant. "Oh..." he said with sudden calm. "I get it now." He started to clap slowly as Bobby and Crowley exchanged confused, worried glances. "Nice one!" he shouted sarcastically at the ceiling. "Really, bravo! I gotta hand it to ya, Gabe, you had me going for a minute."

"Dean?" Bobby cautiously interrupted.

"But you forgot one thing, asshole! Bobby Singer," he explained as he obnoxiously pointed at what he thought was a fake version of the older Hunter, "is way too smart to fuck around with a Demon, especially after the Ruby fiasco!"

"Dean?" Bobby asked again, a little more insistently.

"Besides, all of us turning gay at once?" Dean pointed out, turning in circles in his search for the irritating Archangel. "That's just a little far-fetched, dontcha think?"

"Dean, this isn't a trick," Crowley swore. "Gabriel's not involved. But Bobby and I are."

"Okay, fine, 'Crowley,'" Dean humored him, using air-quotes on his name, "if you're you and he's Bobby, prove it."

"Why don't you just call your boyfriend and ask him to verify?"

"Uh-huh. And how do I know the Cas that shows up is actually my Cas, and not just a figment of Gabriel's imagination, just like you?"

Crowley sighed in irritation. "Because _I'm_ not a figment of Gabriel's imagination. Bobby, would you talk some sense into him?"

"I've been tryin'."

"Doesn't seem that way to me."

"I meant for the last three decades! I think he's allergic."

"Bobby!" Dean shouted, startling both Bobby and Crowley with an impromptu quiz. "What did you give me for my seventeenth birthday that you didn't want me to tell my dad about?"

"A box o' condoms an' a camera hidden inside a teddy bear."

Dean glared at the older man suspiciously. "You could have read my mind," he accused.

"Damn it, Dean, if that didn't convince ya, nothin' will! We don't have time to play 20 Questions; we were in the middle of our own game. Now, _if ya don't mind_, me an' Crowley are gonna go back upstairs with our fancy British dessert' and do things y'all don't wanna know about!" He stormed off through the double-doors, his skimpy man-thong doing nothing whatsoever to stop his flabby ass from shuddering with each stomp.

It went on like that for two whole weeks, and continued to include Cas, Sam, and Gabe, before Dean realized it wasn't a trick. Gabriel was amused at the situation, but once Dean came to his senses, Gabe was downright gleeful that the Hunter's disdain was directed at someone else for awhile.

And they all lived happily ever...

Oh, who am I kidding? They lived to old age but kept getting into ridiculous fights because that's the only way they know how to be.

_

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_

The End. For the second time.

_A/N: That was so unbelievably difficult to write. Possibly the most difficult thing I've ever written. I'm just not a natural at Bobby/Crowley, I didn't really care for it, and it's unlikely I'll ever do it again. Even so, I hope you enjoyed it. Also, spotted dick is either a British custard-like treat or a treat served with custard or none of the above... I dunno. There's gotta be something sexual you can do with it if you try hard enough. (lol, I said 'hard')_

_P.S. Sorry, Jim Beaver, for suggesting your ass is flabby and shudders with each stomp. It's nothing personal. Love ya!_

_Reviews, please._


	12. Ending C  Rated M!

**Cas's Logical Suggestion, Ending C**

_By CastielLovesDean_

_**Rated M for a reason. Continue at your own peril. If you're under 18, don't read this. In fact, just don't read this.**_

_Warning: GRAPHIC. Also, Wing!Sex with a twist. The wings idea/suggestion came from RobynInSherwood._

_All three endings begin with pretty much the same first one and a half paragraphs. Don't freak out. ^_^_

* * *

A prank war ensued after Gabriel stuck the 'kick me' sign on Dean's back. For obvious reasons, Dean was at a bit of a disadvantage. I mean, come on: a thirty-something mortal against an Archangel who had spent the better part of his ten _thousand_ years on Earth pranking people in the most original and deadly ways? No contest. Plus, said Archangel didn't play fair – while Dean was limited to traditional human methods, Gabriel could alter the very fabric of reality, and was not averse to doing so just to fuck with Dean.

But the most significant problem? Gabriel didn't quite know where to draw the line. Dean didn't really mind the pirate insignia on the hood of his car, though he'd shocked himself a couple times reprogramming the horn to honk instead of play the Spongebob Squarepants theme song, but those were fairly minor infractions in the grand scheme of things. He'd only wasted a total of about 36 hours repeatedly restoring his car to the way it was, and there was no actual damage to the car (unlike the time all the air was let out of the tires), so he could handle it. No, the line was crossed in another way, and Dean didn't find out until he woke up early one morning and something was preventing him from rolling onto his back.

"What the fuck?" he grumbled groggily at nobody. He blinked the sleep out of his eyes and got distracted by the large, white feather on his pillow. He smiled, figuring that Cas had left it there for him, but he realized how wrong he was when something in his periphery caught his eye. He turned his head in a frenzied triple-take before accepting that, yes, he had wings.

Fluffy, white, giant angel wings. In seconds, he discovered that he could both feel and move them. Seconds after that, as he lamented Bobby's demolished flat-screen TV, he learned that he wasn't very good at moving them. Be that as it may, Dean did his best to fold them close to his body and squeeze into his jeans. He had to twist and squat awkwardly, but he eventually made it through the heavy, iron panic room door and up the creaky basement stairs. He stomped around the surprisingly empty house for a little while, looking for the only person in the world who not only could do this to him, but _would_ do this to him: his potential eventual double brother-in-law, Gabriel.

As he glanced out a second-floor window, he saw that Sam, Gabe, Cas, and Bobby were in the junkyard, drinking beer around a hobo-style garbage can bonfire in the pre-dawn dark. He hurried down the stairs and out the door, too angry to pay attention to the December 1st chill nipping at his naked chest and bare feet. He saw Gabriel notice him as soon as he rounded a corner, the smug dick's face lighting up without a hint of guilt. He laughed gleefully, drawing the others' attention toward Dean.

"You!" Dean accused with a pointed finger as the others gawked in shock.

"Moi?" Gabriel asked, batting his eyelashes with an air of innocence.

"Yeah, you! What could possibly be the point-" His tirade ended with an abrupt yelp as something sharp – and probably dirty and rusty – sliced the bottom of his foot. He hopped around on his good foot, cradled his bad foot, and muttered obscenities at and about Gabriel. Then, just as suddenly, though perhaps more surprisingly, he found himself cradled in Castiel's arms like a bride being carried over the threshold. His anger temporarily gave way to confusion. "Cas?"

Castiel's stare was classic Cas, penetrating and unblinking. "Yes, Dean?"

Dean wouldn't admit that Castiel's staring made him anxious. "Why are you holding me like this?"

"You hurt your foot."

"It's just a cut. I've had worse."

"It's cold outside."

"The house is, like, thirty feet that way. And there's a fire right here." When Cas started to get shifty, Dean noticed that his Angel wasn't staring him in the face for once – or at his magnificent, toned naked torso, for that matter. He followed Castiel's line of sight and slowly wondered, "Cas? Do you like my wings?"

If Cas was shifty before, that question made him downright panic. "We have to go," he cried with a slight squeak in his voice that Dean had never heard before, and the next thing he knew, they weren't in South Dakota anymore.

Dean wasn't even sure they were anywhere the civilized world knew of. It was a sandy double-beach that stretched as far as the eye could see in both directions. A bright sun was smiling from a blue, cloudless sky over the crystal clear water that could have been poured from a bottle of Dasani. It was as if God himself had placed a long strip of sand in the ocean just for Dean and Castiel. Maybe he had.

Castiel laid Dean on his back in the fine, virgin sand and started to undress.

"Cas?" Dean repeated himself.

"Take off your pants," Castiel ordered as he removed his tie.

Dean kept his pants on. "You know, you need two consenting adults for sex, and I'm a little irritated with your brother right now to be in the mood."

"That won't be a problem. Take off your pants." The Angel was already down to just his belt, pants, and underwear.

"You seem pretty confident for someone who was a virgin just a few weeks ago."

Castiel was on top of him then, staring at Dean's unfurled wings with a smile on his face that walked the line between loving and creepy. "I happen to know that in just a few seconds, you'll wish you'd stripped with more haste."

Dean was finding Castiel's cockiness to be just a little bit of a turn on, but he feigned disinterest anyway. "If you say so," agreed apathetically, "but I don't see what-" He moaned savagely as his body tensed and arched into Castiel's, the most amazing sensation he'd ever known pulsing from the junction where his new wings protruded from his back. As the fog cleared from his brain, he realized he was panting heavily and squeezing Castiel's arms hard enough to injure a human being. "Holy shit," he breathed into Cas's ear.

"Would you like to go home now, or are you going to take off your pants?"

"Pants?" Dean asked, confused. He looked down. "Oh. Pants." He blinked away the rest of the confusion. "They're gonna get in the way, aren't they?"

Castiel kissed him, then pulled back. Dean whined pitifully at the loss, but it wasn't long before his pants were lost to the sand and he once again found himself happily pinned beneath his Angel.

It wasn't long before they were in full make-out mode and he felt Castiel's hand glide up his inner thigh and ghost teasingly over his balls. For the first time since they'd been together (and ever, since they weren't having sex until then), Dean found himself on the receiving end of a gently but insistently probing finger. He tensed nervously at the new sensation, but then Castiel was caressing his wing again, and he wouldn't have cared if they were swallowed up by a hurricane at that moment. When he came back to reality, Cas had three fingers comfortably inside of him, and Dean was relieved to feel that it wasn't painful at all. They moved ever so slightly, but it made the biggest difference in the world between comfort and intense pleasure almost as wonderful as having his wings stroked. Dean hummed his approval and held Cas closer to him, wordlessly urging him to move onto the next step of intimacy.

Castiel's fingers left him, but were shortly replaced with something much larger and and more rigid. Dean knew it was Castiel's penis, and while he knew from experience it wasn't ridiculously huge or porn-worthy, he was briefly in awe at how much bigger it seemed now that it was about to be inside him. His eyes locked with Cas's, and he smiled in approval, then closed his eyes as Castiel slowly filled him, then stayed painfully still. Dean opened his eyes again. "Are we waiting for the tide to rise?" he asked sarcastically.

Cas shook his head. "No," he answered. "I'm just... reveling in the moment. I'm not sure I've ever been happier. Of course, I'd never been happy before I met you."

"Aw. How sweet. Can we do this now, or what?" Dean demanded impatiently.

Castiel pulled back and plunged forward quickly, startling Dean and making him twitch in surprise and pleasure. "Is this better?" he asked, continuing to glide in and out with grace and care.

"Yessssss," Dean agreed, closing his eyes once more and letting himself relax into the soft sand. He panted and writhed in the sand as he uncharacteristically allowed Cas to have complete control of the situation. The thrusting was soon joined by Castiel's right hand stroking his cock firmly in synch with the rhythmic motion of his hips. That didn't last long before Castiel's other hand reached Dean's wing, and he barely had time to wonder how Cas was holding himself up before he was engulfed in excruciating pleasure for the final time, overwhelmed by all three sources of ecstasy. It was all he could do to just hold onto Castiel for dear life and hope it wasn't possible to die from sensation overload – though, what a way to go! He never would be able to recall how many minutes or hours they went on like that, just that at some point it became too much, and he felt an explosion rock his loins.

When he woke up some time later, they were back in Bobby's panic room, cuddled together in bed, no trace of wings or sand or sky or water, but Dean knew with all his being that the beach had been very real. He looked at the tiny panic room window, thinking he'd seen something move, but found nothing out of the ordinary. Not that he would have cared, mind you – Gabriel may have given him wings to irritate him, and only accidentally caused the best night of his life, but Dean knew he could never, ever hate the Archangel again for as long as he lived.

Until later that day when he pissed him off again. Ah, well... one night of passion couldn't change the core personalities of two stubborn jackasses, could it?

_

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_

The End. For the third and final time.


End file.
